Begining of Redemption
by Unit7
Summary: A look into the dark future of Ricky Underwood. As John becomes eight, Ricky finds himself unable to break the cycle. Contains adult themes, for mature readers.
1. Part 1

_Author's Note: This story takes place 8 years after John is born and Ricky finds himself turning into a monster. This is a peak into a future that could be._

**Beginning of Redemption.**

Ricky Underwood groaned as he woke. His head pounded as if war drums were playing in his head. He slowly walked towards the bathroom as he felt the vile of throw up in his mouth. Never again, he thought bitterly. After splashing some water on his face, he examined himself in the mirror. Being a father at such an early age had taken its toll on him physically. He looked as if he had aged twenty years. He slowly groped at the stubble on his chin. Eight years, where had the time gone?

When he left he bathroom, he noticed his love in the bed. Amy, how the hell did you end up with me? He thought of waking her, but decided against it. The toll on him had been great, but on her it was far superior. So he left the room, allowing her to sleep a bit longer. As he walked down the small hallway, he passed his son's room. He poked his head through, and saw John laying asleep. His room was a kid's paradise. Despite their money issues, Amy had been determined to give him a loving home.

Then the memories of last night crashed into him like a semi-truck. He wanted to shout. Why damnit, why! Ricky shouted in his mind. As he looked on his son, he couldn't help it. He swore he would never... that he would break the... Now here he was suffering from a major hang over and while looking into his son's room he felt... aroused at the sight of him.

When he entered their small kitchen he slowly fixed breakfast for himself. His breakfast consisted of a bologna sandwich and a cold soda. He sat at their small table, and wondered how on earth Amy picked him. Looking back he had been a jerk. He thought back to when he and Ben were enemies. He had gone out of his way to make poor Ben uncomfortable and he was the ultimate reason why Amy broke up with him, whether she understood this simple fact or not didn't matter.

Ricky had pondered what John's life would have been like if Ben had stayed around. If he had married Amy instead of himself. Ben may have been a naive teen when this started. But he could provide. Every once and awhile when Ricky flipped through the morning paper, he would catch Ben's name in the paper. After his father died Ben had turned his father's business into a true Meat Empire. Now Boykewich would be expanding into all corners of the states, and there had been rumors of spreading in the U.S. Territories.

What did Amy get from him? Ricky had ended up dropping out of high school. The demands of providing proved to difficult on a part time job. He had always meant to get his GED, but he could never find the time. So now he was stuck at a dead end job and getting wasted every other night. Amy had been a fool, should have picked him. I shouldn't have allowed her to pick me, should have kept silent.

But the occasional time of coming home drunk, and the dead end job was the least of their problems. What the hell did I do? He wanted to shout it. Wanted to release this anger. Sometimes when he lay awake at night, Amy sleeping blissfully inches away, he privately wondered if his own father felt like this. During the day he knew better. His father was a sociopath. He didn't give a damn about anyone but what pleased him. On his more cynical days, which became more frequent as his drinking habit, he wondered if he would turn into that. It became harder and harder to resist.

It started off as just fantasies. But while on the Internet his hands roamed the keyboard and slowly he began searching. He wasn't sure what he was searching for, but something in him. Something evil was searching for something. He had always wondered how freaks, like himself Ricky mused, found these sites. Wondered how the police had trouble taking them down. But somehow he had found himself on a site that was advertising children the same age as John. When he realized this his heart beat quickened, his palms grew sweaty and his breathing came in short gasps. He quickly exited the Internet and wept freely into his hands cursing God and everyone he could think, except for Amy. Never Amy.

But late at night when he wasn't considering what his Father had felt, he fantasized of exploring the website. To unlock its secret treasure.

Soon these fantasies were not enough and one night when he was alone, Amy and John were going to spend the night at her parents house, he found that website again. He wasn't sure how and he doubted he would ever. But it was there before him, and his eyes began to devour. When he looked over at a picture near the computer, he freaked. It was Amy and John at the park smiling back at the camera. Grace took that picture. He wondered if Grace had ever wondered if the smiling faces of those two would someday be accusing him? He grabbed the picture in a fit of fury and threw it at the wall. The glass shattered.

Again he wept into his hands. He hated himself. He despised what he was becoming. How do you stop a monster that resides within your very soul? When he tackled his anger, he slowly picked up the pieces. The broken glass on the picture of his two greatest loves became a symbol to him what he would cause.

Soon his apatite became to strong for pictures. He had managed to get extra smashed one evening. He wasn't himself, he told himself the next day. But perhaps that who he really was!

As he finished his sandwich and his reflection on the events that happened. He decided it couldn't continue. Not now not ever.

Slowly he reentered his wifes room and for a moment he was in awe of her beauty. She deserved better then a monster. He quietly packed a few things. Mostly clothing and a hundred dollars. He hated taking the money because he knew she needed it more then he did. He could get by for awhile. Perhaps he will have to stay on the streets or maybe he will find a shelter. But he needed some money to start. For the last time, he bent over and kissed his wife on the forehead.

Amy stirred.

His heart beat raced. If she were to wake up, how would she react to him with a duffel bag full of clothing? But all she did was smile. Thats right Amy, smile. Smile that you will no longer have to sleep with a monster inches from you.

As Ricky past John's Room he wanted to apologize. In fact, he wanted to do more for him. But he had taken far to much from him and a few petty words would never suffice. So he walked on and turned his back on his son forever. It was for the best he told himself. He will hate me with every fiber of his being, but he would accept this. Someday he hoped John would understand why he didn't get to grow up with his real father. Someday Ricky hoped he would forgive him, but if he couldn't do that. Ricky would understand.

He left their apartment, and walked down the stairs. He no longer believed he deserved the luxury of the elevator. He didn't deserve a lot of things, but that was Ok. He grew up on the streets, and thats where he belonged. Maybe he will start up in a different city. Maybe he will bear another Son and do right by him.

Ricky was now standing in front of the Apartment building. He took one last look at his apartment, where his love was probably still sleeping. Where John was having a wonderful dream of flying through space to discover new planets, ones without him.

Ricky fought back the tears that began welling in his eyes. These were not the tears of fear or anger. They were not that of sorrow either. They were of Joy. In the end he was stronger then his father. It was true he came close to becoming him... but he wouldn't. He would rise above this and maybe one day Amy will accept him back into her home.

But that was unlikely, but that was Ok. With that, he walked away down the street unsure where he was going to end up. All he knew was he wouldn't have to become his father.

He broke the cycle.


	2. Part 2

_Author's Note: Well I had no plans on continuing the story. I am still unsure whether or not I should be even continuing it. But as people kept saying I shouldn't end I considered what the story might be... which is this._

**Begining of Redemption Part 2**

When Amy woke that morning, she felt refreshed. She had a wonderful dream. As the years passed those dreams rarely came, but when they do she was in bliss. She stretched herself awake and looked over at where Ricky should have been. Empty. It wouldn't be the first time he had to leave early. She fetched a bathrobe from the bathroom and left her room. When she passed John's room, she wondered whether or not to disturb him. It was Saturday, and they had nothing important to do that day. She poked her head in, very much the way her husband had thirty minutes before, and enjoyed the sight of her son. Unlike when Ricky looked at their son, she felt a sense of joy. No matter how rough times were she knew John would always cheer her up.

When she arrived in the small kitchen she found the remains of Ricky's breakfast. The bologna had been carelessly left out along with the cheese and mustard. Something dawned on her and she realized that Ricky hated bologna. John was the only one in the apartment who liked the stuff. A sweet thought waltzed through her mind. Her John had tried to make breakfast. With this in mind, she cleaned up the mess and sat down where her husband had been less then twenty minutes ago. In her whirlwind of making things tidy, she had missed a small slip of paper.

Amy hadn't made any plans for that Saturday, but she knew she had 100$ extra. She thought she would take some of it and spend the day with John. But when she went to retrieve the money, it was gone. "Damn it Ricky," said Amy searching the 'rainy day' fund hidden within their dresser. "That's alright, we can just go to the park, the park is still free." She felt foolish talking aloud, but it had become a habit when John was still unable to talk. One of these days, she thought, I will have to kick the habit.

When Amy dressed, she decided on a light blue blouse and pair of jeans. She examined herself in the mirror and couldn't help remember the times when she had stood in front of the same mirror with a round belly... with John safely growing within her. Moments like these always dampened the depressing moments that plagued her life. The money Ricky had taken without consulting her was far from her mind.

They decided to go to the Park. Amy sat on a bench where other mothers would sit. The mothers conversed amongst themselves as Amy sat silent and simply enjoyed watching John run around on the playground with the other kids. She felt out of place. People her age should be at college partying. Every once and awhile the other mothers would steal a glance at her. They were judging her, Amy thought bitterly.

"Which one is yours?" one of the mothers asked.

"The sandy blonde haired kid in overalls." Amy said pointing to John, who was sliding down a red spiral slide.

"He's adorable," The other mother said. From the looks of it she was about Amy's age with black wavy hair that fell down to her shoulder blades. "My daughter is the one scooping sand into a pink bucket." Amy scanned the playground and found a small blonde girl in pigtails. She was indeed scooping sand into a bucket.

"Aww, she is adorable." said Amy. She remembered when she had wanted John to be a girl. She felt weak. It wasn't the most pleasant memory during her pregnancy. It had been the week everyone found out about Ricky and his father.

"You alright? Looked like someone walked over your grave." The mother said.

"Just remembering some unpleasant things." Amy said. The other mother, who Amy found out to be named Sarah, had been in a similar situation as Amy. They quickly became fast friends, and for once while at the park Amy felt comfortable. They discussed how terrible it was at first, and how glorious it had been when they first held their children in their arms. Because John and Sam, Sarah's daughter, roughly the same age they quickly began planning play dates. Which wouldn't be a problem because the two had found themselves playing some sort of game.

"John," Amy called out. John turned towards the benches. His cute face scrunched up in a comedic way. Amy was forced to try and stifle a laugh, "It's time we should go home." The two Underwoods said their farewells to Sarah and Sam.

When they arrived at the apartment, John quickly ran into his room and slammed the door shut. Amy called out to Ricky, wondering if he was home. When no one answered, except for John's playing, she frowned. It was nearing dinner time, and it wasn't like Ricky to just disappear. Amy sat down at the kitchen's table and mulled over what to prepare for dinner.

That was when the piece of paper caught her attention. She was amazed how she hadn't noticed it earlier. The paper was folded in a haphazard manner. She slowly unfolded the paper, something about this wasn't right and Amy could feel it in the pit of her heart.

_Dear Amy my love,_

_I can no longer be John's father and I can no longer be your husband. I have done something unspeakable and I can no longer live with it. Take all my possessions and sell them. Purge me out of your system and find a man who will love John as his own. Find John a father who he can look up to and say 'I am proud he is my father.' I am sorry I had to take the Rainy Day Fund, but its a small price._

_Your Husband,_

_Ricky Underwood._

Amy felt the tears slide down her face, she could see them falling on the note. She read it over several times, each time it was as if a dagger had been plunged into her heart. When the print had been burned into her memory, where it would fester, she crumpled the note into a ball and slowly walked towards her room. She passed John's room without a thought. She climbed into bed and pulled the covers up around her.

"Mommy," John said, standing at the door, "can I have some chocolate milk?"

"Yeah..." Amy said trying to sound strong, "can you get it yourself?"

"Sure," John said. Amy could hear his little feet run down the hall towards the kitchen, and then stop. She could hear his shuffling feet come closer. "Mommy, are you alright? You sound sad."

"It's just daddy, he... wont be coming home anytime soon." Amy blurted out. She had hopped to break the ice when she wasn't a mess. But it just slipped out. John stood their silent.

"That's fine..." John said, and ran away to get his chocolate milk.


	3. Part 3

_Author's Note: you know after continuing the story I have realized something. The title just no longer suits the rest of the story... somehow I wish they had named John Tom. All I would need is a chucky, angelica, and a dog named Spike! Oh I got a Reptar though..._

Beginning of Redemption Part 3

Amy and Sarah watched their children play in the other room. Amy was trying to stay strong, but the last week had been painful. At first she thought she could get through this. It was how Sarah and her husband Luke were around each other that shattered her resolve. They were sitting in a rather nice apartment, much better then Amy and Johns, and they were talking over a cup of coffee. Amy watched as a tear fell into her cup.

"Hey, whats wrong?" Sarah asked.

"Ricky," Amy said quietly. "He left me and John." Sarah gasped and turned her head from Amy to John who was having is head bashed in by a pillow.

"Men are jerks," Sarah said anger tinting her usually kind voice.

"I heard that!" Luke called from the bedroom. Amy and Sarah exchanged looks and giggled like schoolgirls.

"What are you going to do?" asked Sarah after sobering up. She took a slow sip of her coffee.

"In the note," Amy found Sarah's expression amusing despite the situation, "yeah he dumped me through a note. He said I should sell all of his stuff and 'purge him out of my system' whatever that means."

"I would burn all of it." Sarah said growing a rather devilish grin from behind her mug of coffee.

"believe me I would if I could." Amy was looking at John, who was now bashing Sam's head in with a pillow, when she spoke. "But we were hardly making ends meat with both of our salaries. Now its going to be impossible."

"Luke and I got rather lucky," Sarah paused taking a sip of her coffee, "we both came from rather well off families... if there is anything we can do to help you and John."

"Thanks, but I think we can manage." Amy said trying to sound confident, but inside she knew it was a lie.

That evening Amy served Hamburger Helper. John poked his with his fork, eyeing it suspiciously. As if it were going to come alive and gobble him up. Amy giggled.

"I like it when you are happy," John said before taking the plunge and eating a big mouthful.

"Whats that sweety?" Amy said.

"Nothing," John said taking another bite. This time it followed with a comedic gross out look. Intentional of course, because Amy knew Hamburger was his favorite, well except for Bologna sandwiches.

"How would you like to move with Grandma and Grandpa?" Amy said. The titles felt odd on Amy's tongue. Somehow it felt wrong to refer to her parents as Grandma and Grandpa. Another reminder that she shouldn't be a mother to an eight year old. Not that she regretted having John. Because he was the Light that guided her down the dark corridor of life.

"Ew and share a house with Phil and Lil?" John said.

"Be nice to your uncle and aunt." Amy scolded. The title aunt and uncle, very much like grandma and grandpa, felt odd. Amy wondered how many aunts and uncles were younger then their nephew? That they could literally grow up together. Not to uncommon, Amy concluded.

The Juergens were more then happy to take in Amy and John. Not that they felt like they had much choice. After Amy told them, George had that 'I could have told you that...' look on his face. The one he would often give his girls when they did something incredibly stupid and were somehow surprised at the results. Anne was thrilled to have her grandson in the house. She never approved of Ricky and Amy's marriage, let alone her moving out.

When Amy and John arrived at the Grandparents house, they could hear screaming and general chaos that came with the territory of raising 2 seven year olds.

"Mom Phil won't share!" Lil screamed, "tell him to share his reptar!"

"Share and be nice," Anne scolded as she opened the door. Anne hadn't changed her appearance much, not enough time was probably the reason. She had been wearing her hair a lot shorter these days though. "Amy! Could that be? No it couldn't! Amy who is this handsome looking fellow on your arm."

"It's me grandma, its John," He said laughing.

"Hi mom,"said Amy. As grateful as she was towards her parents, she hated having to impose on them like this. Anne caught the tone in her daughter's voice, and only smiled reassuringly. To Anne this was the furthest thing from imposing.

Amy settled into her old room while John received Ashley's old room. Walking into her old sister's room was a rather a bittersweet moment. Memories of sharing long conversations with her in that room swam through her mind. The room was empty of course. One of these days, she would have to pay Ashley a visit. Amy helped John get sorted out and put him to bed.

Amy stood in her room feeling like a child who had done something wrong. But she hadn't done anything. It was Ricky's fault. She scanned her walls, and just about everything had remained. When she left she hadn't bothered taking many things. When she lay awake at night, she often wondered why she hadn't taken everything... perhaps she knew the marriage was damned? She took a peek at the clock radio. 11:32 PM. Too late to get something to drink...

The realization was too surreal for words. She was an adult now, more importantly she was a mother. It was amazing how a walk down memory lane could change your gears so easily. When she entered the kitchen her parents were still up discussing something, but had stopped when they realized Amy was coming down.

"Shouldn't you..." George began but caught himself. "Hello Amy."

"Hi Dad. What you drinking?" Amy asked sitting down at the table.

"Some herbal crap." He mumbled, "mother's idea."

"It's good for you. You want some?" asked Anne who was starting to stand up.

"I think I'll pass..." Amy said giggling. Anne got up and poured herself some more of the tea and sat back down. Amy noticed how they often glanced at each other, and then back to her. It was beginning to annoy her.

"What?" Amy demanded.

"We wanted to know if you had any plans on dealing with this situation." George said bluntly.

"As in the Ricky situation?" Amy asked looking from one parent to the other. "Well no. What can I do?"

"I say you sue the bastard." George said.

"With what money?" Amy countered. Even after Ricky had left her to fend for John and herself, she still felt compelled to defend her husband.

"Just saying..." said George.

"Look I just want to forget he ever existed." Amy got up and left. Even when she was an adult, her parents still had the ability to make her feel incredibly small.

The night was restless. She found it ironic that after so many years of sleeping in the room, she felt like a stranger. She longed for her own bed and for Ricky to be in it with her. She felt a deep ache for Ricky at that moment. She tossed and turned, wishing he were there to sooth it.

Downstairs the doorbell rang. Amy covered her head under her pillow. "Ricky can you please..." Amy froze and she felt tears gathering in her eyes. She threw the pillow across the room in frustration. At first she almost didn't recognize the room. Questions of how she got here raced through her mind. Then she remembered. The Doorbell rang again.

Amy threw on a magenta bathrobe and discovered a piece of paper on her nightstand.

Dear Amy

Your Dad had to leave early and I decided to take the kids to the park. We would have woken you up, but you looked like you could use the sleep.

Love,

Mother.

The doorbell rang again. Amy shouted to hold on, as she dashed down the stairs. She caught herself in a mirror and noticed her hair was a complete mess. This better not be someone I know, Amy said trying to flatten her bed head. The Door bell rang once more. Damnit, just hold on Amy thought angrily. She threw open the door, ready to pounce on the person who couldn't wait a few seconds. Standing in front of the door was Ben.

"Amy-" Ben began to say but was cut off by Amy. She slammed the door shut. She leaned back against the door. The doorbell rang, followed by a couple of light taps. "Amy is that you?" Slowly, Amy opened the door and poked her head out. At first Amy wasn't sure it had been Ben. The man standing on her doorstep had a five o clock shadow. Ben's childish face had been altered into a ruggedly handsome man. It was completely different then the Ben she met 8 years ago. But even with the new look, Amy could still see Ben.

"Hi Ben, what are you doing here?" Amy asked trying to sound casual.

"I was looking for George," Ben replied. The way he used her father's name sent chills down her spine. She wondered if she would ever get used to the adult world.

"He is at work," Amy said.

"Oh thats to bad, I was wondering if he wanted to tend a game with me." Ben said his farewells and began to leave.

"Wait... do you want to come in or something?" Amy asked. She wasn't unsure why she had asked him in. She suspected it would be nice to talk to a friendly ear about her ordeal.

"Uh sure." Ben said smiling.

"Let me change real quick. Just got up and all." Amy opened the door to reveal her bathrobe as if to offer proof. Ben nodded and stepped into the house.

"I'll wait in the living room." Ben called out as Amy disappeared within her room. When Amy returned, Ben was flipping through the channels as if he had lived there. For some reason it irked her. But considering the casual relationship between him and her father. It was perhaps one of the strangest things. While Amy became a stranger within her childhood home, Ben had became the opposite.

They hadn't been in contact for years, and Amy wondered if it had anything to do with the rivalry between him and Ricky. So that afternoon they caught up on everything. Amy could tell Ben felt left out of John's life for so long. He had been the one person who stood by her side 100% of the time. He would have followed her to the end of the world. Amy felt guilty on how they ended. He deserved better then that. But soon it was like when they were younger. When they spent hours just talking.

"Ricky left me," Amy blurted out.

"Thats terrible," Ben said, he reached out to hold Amy's hand. Amy allowed the contact, and in fact enjoyed it. When was the last time Ricky did that? "If you need anything, I will be more then happy to help."

"I wouldn't want to impose on you or anything." Amy said, but secretly she was hoping he would insist.

"It wouldn't be a problem. I am the King of the second largest meat producing company in America," Ben said proudly. Amy tried to kill a giggle, but it evaded her attack and slipped out. Despite his looks, he was the same Ben. He blushed, but managed to smile.

When Ben had to leave, Amy walked him to the door and on impulse kissed his cheek. Amy froze. Had she really done that? The familiar sensation of being pulled by two men overwhelmed her. Only this time, Ricky wasn't there...

Ben noticed Amy's confused look and he simply smiled. "Have a good day Amy," He said as he walked out the door.

Amy stood there unsure what to do, and she began to cry.

_Author's Note: Wow I didn't see that coming!!! *shifty eyes* OK so I did. _


	4. Part 4

Author's Notes: So we are one step closer to the end of the story. You know I really love using War as a metaphor for love and the emotions that comes with it.

Part 4:

That night while Amy lay awake in the strangers Bed, she felt the war of emotions clash. A part of her was starting to grow feelings for Ben, or perhaps it was just laying dormant until now? The other part, the one she was personally rooting for, was on the verge of collapse. Its figurehead, Ricky Underwood, had vanished with just a note. How can a leader of an army not be present and expect to win the war?

Amy had spent many nights when she was 15 laying awake in a complete mess. Just like then, she was crying for the future. What was she to do? How do other single mothers deal with all this crap? Amongst the pain and tears, Amy felt a new respect for single mothers. She had never been a single mother. She had always had someone to help her. First it was Ben and then it was Ricky. Now she had... no one. John and her were to face the world alone. That, above all else, scared Amy. She had hopped to rise above her station in life and provide the best future for her son. Now with Ricky gone, how could this ever become a reality?

"Mom..." John whispered. Amy sat up startled, she hadn't heard him come. Amy wiped the tears away, straightened her face into what she hoped was a smile.

"Yes sweety?" Amy whispered at the dark figure looming in front of her bed.

"Why are you crying?" John's voice revealed the terror that the dark covered in the dark.

"What makes you think that?" Amy said, trying to feint strength.

"I heard you..." John said sheepishly.

"I just... have a lot on my mind." Amy said patting the spot next to her. She moved over allowing room. John, noticing the invite, quickly jumped into bed.

"Is it about..." John's voice was a deathly quiet. "Daddy?" his voice sounded odd to Amy, as if he were afraid.

"You know how I told you he wouldn't be coming home soon?" Amy said running a finger around her son's angelic face. She wished she could properly see it.

"Yeah..." John said tensing. Amy felt the sudden change in her boys face, and she couldn't understand where it had come from.

"It looks like..." said Amy, but she wasn't sure she had actually spoke. "Honey, he isn't coming home." Amy let out a sob and the tears she fought so hard to vanquish came in full force. Ricky's army was indeed crumbling.

"That's fine..." John spoke in a callous matter that shocked Amy. If she wasn't laying next to John, she wouldn't have believed it came from him. "You can do better then him... will you do better?" The callous voice was gone now, instead it was the pleading cry of a small child. Amy was unsure how to respond, how do you respond to something like that? So she let the words hang in the air between them. Amy's restlessness crept away and Amy and John fell asleep.

The weeks that followed were tough on Amy. She gave up all hope of ever seeing Ricky again. When she wasn't working she stuck close to John. He was her anchor, without him she would be blown into the oblivion of distraught. As she watched John play in the park with Sam, she noticed a change in her boy. He was happier and come dinner time, he would scarf down his meal with great delight.

Ben came over more often, but Amy wondered if this was a change. It was amazing how little she actually knew about her family. After Amy and Ricky moved out, they were consumed with work and taking care of John. Only when they were in a pinch for a baby sitter did she even see her parents. Amy wondered how the friendship between her father and Ben came about. She would always conclude it was because of her. But she felt ashamed. She was a married women, wasn't she? Even if this was common for Ben to stop by and have a beer with her father, Amy held fast to the belief she was part of the reason. Ben's army was winning, or perhaps this was a sign she was...

A month had passed since she moved into her parents house. The strangers bed became her bed, and the strangers room became hers. The Papers came in one afternoon. In Ricky's haste to leave her, he had over looked one crucial detail. If Amy was to be happy with another guy, something Ricky fiercely hated, she would need to divorce her.

Amy read through the papers carefully. Ricky had left her everything. All she had to do was sign. It amazed her how her signature could make such a huge impact. She tucked the papers into the manila envelope. She gripped it as if she would fall into a black hole. She found her mother in the kitchen, helping Lil bake cookies.

"Oh hi Amy, care to help?" Her mom asked smiling with flour on her nose.

"Please Amy?" Lil begged comedically.

"I have to visit Ashley," Amy said. She ignored her mother's look. "I was hoping you would watch John for me."

"Yeah sure..." The joy in her mothers eyes vanished, "why are you going to see Ashley?"

"I just... I just do." Amy said. She thanked her mother and kissed John on the nose. He squirmed embarrassed in front of his uncle and aunt.

"Hello Ashley..." Amy whispered.


	5. Part 5

Author's Note: Oh look another part! Sorry if I got Ashley's birth date wrong. Author's Note. If you are curious as where I got the 'Do Not Cry' bit. It was inspired by a character from Joan of Arcadia. They wanted the poem to be read at his funeral. RIP Rocky :)

Part 5:

"Hello Ashley," Amy whispered, "I am unsure if you know this but Ricky left me. I know what your thinking. I know what you want to say too 'I could have seen that coming." Amy allowed herself a small smile. "John is eight now, he is really starting to look like his father. I am unsure if this is a good trait, but he definitely has a bit of you in him. Though you two did spend an incredible amount of time with each other. When I was still pregnant, I would never have pictured you too being so close. I am unsure if I ever said this properly, but I always meant to tell you how thankful I was for this. How much I loved you," Amy felt hot tears begin to accumulate in her eyes. "Sorry," Amy said sheepishly, wiping them away. "You told me never to cry when I visit you. But I couldn't help it." Amy bent over, and traced the words carved into the tombstone.

_Ashley Jurgens_

_September 15 1995 – August 6 2013_

_Beloved Daughter, Sister, and Aunt. _

_Do Not Cry Because I Am Not Here, _

_I Am a Thousand Winds, And The Sparkle Of Snow._

"He wants me to move on," Amy continued, "and he has sent me divorce papers. Wasn't man enough to deliver them himself. I don't know what to do." Amy sat down in front of her sister's tombstone. "Ben has sorta entered my life again. I am just so confused. A part of me wants to find Ricky and smack him and then kiss his wound." Amy hiccuped a giggle at the thought, "the other part wants to take Ricky's instructions and find a good father for John. I just don't know what to do." Amy stared intently at her sisters name, hoping she would receive the answer she sought. She meditated like that for who knows how long. She swam through the quagmire and explored its depths. She found the answer, and she despised herself for what she was about to do.

When she reached her car, she picked up the manila envelope on the passenger seat. Slowly she took the papers out, and read them over again. She reached for a pen she had kept in her purse. With shaky hands, she began signing.

Drip...

A tear fell on the papers. She wondered if they would accept it still, and for a brief moment her fragile resolve crumbled. This was a sign she insisted, this isn't the way it should be. But how was she to find Ricky? Whats the use to being married to a guy who you can't find? She thought of hiring a private detective. She had read articles about a brilliant detective who on occasion took clients on, but how was she to find Adrian Monk?

She stared at her signature and that disgust boiled in her. She went to tear the paper and stay with Ricky. Instead, she tucked the papers back into their hiding place. She would have to consult a lawyer. She thought about Adrian, she would know the next step. Adrian would be attending Law School in a couple of years, or that had been the plan when they attended Ashley's funeral. Probably best not bring up Ashley... not after what happened between them.

Amy drove away from the cometary in a complete mess.


	6. part 6

_Author's Note: Ten brownie points to the person who recognizes what show I got the restaurant from... Another short piece, but it does what it its needed of it._

Part 6

Ben took Amy to a fancy French restaurant called La Cachette. The room was full of tables mostly seating for 2. A single white candle burned at the center of the table. Amy was still unsure of her romance. Ricky's army still tried to fight valiantly, but it had been almost a year. If he was going to return, surely he would have done it by then? Ben had shaved, and to Amy he looked odd without the Five O'clock shadow that adorned his face. Amy was wore a long pink dress.

"How can you afford this?" Amy said in awe.

"Its nothing I can't manage." Ben smiled behind his menu. "I have been meaning to tell you something. Somehow, before now, it never seemed possible. Now I fear its the right time, yet it came in bad timing. Does that make sense?" Amy nodded, but she wasn't quite sure if she knew. "I dislike dredging up the past like this. But I need to apologize."

"What for?" Amy said.

"When we first met, I was a sheltered little prick." Ben said, he smiled slightly, "I couldn't understand why you wanted to be with Ricky. Every time he was over taking care of John I was furious and I made that more then public."

"Ben, really you don't have to-" Amy was cut off by Ben's stern look.

"No I do. If we are going to really do this then I need to do this." Ben folded his menu and placed it in front of him. "I was immature then, but I want you to know that is no longer who I am. I want you to know that, no matter what you decide I will support you. Even if it pains me."

"Thank... you?" Amy said feeling a little uncomfortable. They ordered and Ben discussed his latest business venture. She learned that because of the way he handled the love triangle that existed then, he became determined to master his father's position. Amy had little to add, but that was fine with her.

"So how is John these days?" Ben said. "Been awhile since I saw the little bugger."

"Hes terrific," Amy smiled sweetly, "his teachers tell me he is an excellent student. I couldn't have asked for a better son."

"That's good," Ben said and took a bite from his meal. So thats what they discussed for the rest of the evening.

When the date was done, Ben walked Amy to the door and pecked her on the cheek. Something stirred within her and she ached. Suddenly, she wanted to take Ben upstairs and be with him. But it felt like betraying Ricky. She opened the door and stood leaning against it. Was this the right thing to be doing? Now she wanted to take Ricky up stairs and be with him.

Ben and Amy continued their romance and eventually when John became Twelve they were engaged. Ben had taken her back to La Cachette and afterwards had taken Amy to a nearby beach. Normally it was closed at that time of night, but Ben was able to convince them to allow him. Who could say no to a nice sized box of steaks coming from America's number One Meat Empire? So they walked barefoot through the sand, enjoying the moon's reflection off of the water. It had been a perfect evening, and Amy was hard pressed to find another that could rival it. Amy wanted a long engagement, and that was only after John gave his all approving consent. It wasn't hard to get it neither. Ben and John had grown close over the years.

When John turned 13, Amy became Mrs. Benjamin Boykewich. She should have been completely happy on the day of her wedding. But the rogue army that belonged to Ricky still plundered Ben's. It had been five years since Ricky left, and yet she carried a love for him she wondered if she could ever feel for Ben. She loved Ben with almost all her heart, only a small part now belonged to Ricky. She wondered if that Army would eventually die, and she also wondered if she would mourn its loss.

_Author's Notes: Wow her marrying Ben, who could have seen that? *dodges the rocks* Hey I saw that! _


	7. Part 7: The Death of Ricky

_Author's Note: So we are finally at the end of our waltz through this demented Alternate Universe I have crafted! You know I felt really awkward at the end of that Book. As flattered as I was that Stephen King would help me with my coat... Seriously, did I just make a reference that no1 got AGAIN? Lol_

Part 7.

The first few months were the toughest. He lived in homeless shelters and sometimes in alley ways. Yet he never complained. If this was what it meant to be self exiled from Amy and John, then bring it on he would whisper to himself at night. The fought the feelings with all his heart and mind. He would never allow them to conquer him, to distort his perception.

Every year on John's birthday he would dress up in his finest clothing, which he kept stashed away in a suitcase to only be used on two occasions. Amy and John's birthday. He would then scrape what little money he could and volunteer at a place that specialized in helping children with terrible homes. He would then donate the money to whatever charity he could. There was no need for him to enjoy those two days. They became his reminder of what he had done. John would have been 12 when he finally managed to get a steady job. That paid minimum wage, but it was good enough.

On John's 15th birthday Ricky joined a relief organization that was heading to New Orleans. Hurricane Amy had been a devastating storm, the worst since Katrina all those years ago. Again whatever money he could make was spent on the relief fund. He didn't care though, that was life for Ricky Underwood. He was shingling a roof when he heard a musical voice that brought so many memories flooding back.

"To think I did this," The voice said half jokingly. The truth of the matter was that the force nature could muster scared her. How could something that could bring a beautiful life into the world such as John take it away? Ricky looked down at the streets and there Amy was holding hands with Ben. A third man, who appeared to be entering manhood, looked upset at his parents showing affection for each other.

"I guess this is why you don't piss off women while on the rag," John teased.

"John!" Ben shouted. Despite Ricky's absence, John still managed to carry on his legacy. Ricky wanted to smile. For a moment Ricky wanted to run down there and scold his son himself. He had no right to do that, so he remained where he was. Or that was his intention, but the nail gun he was using slipped from his hands and fell to the ground. Ricky noticed Amy look to where the noise had come from. She looked from the nailer to the man on the roof.

"Hey you two go on without me, meet back at the hotel?" Amy asked. The two men nodded and walked away. When Ricky climbed down the scaffolding Amy had the nailer in her hands. "Do I know you?"

"Probably not," Ricky mumbled.

"Ricky Underwood is... is that you?" Amy's eyes jumped with joy. The Ricky Army hadn't died just yet.

"I once knew a Ricky Underwood," Ricky said calmly taking the nailer from his love. Deep down he wanted to confess everything, to explain himself. But his resolve had been proven unbreakable. So he remained calm.

"Oh?" Amy said.

"He was a good man one time. A reckless teen who slept with any girl who paid him any attention." Ricky said. "He died though. It was sometime before his son's 9th birdth day. He regretted not being able to go. Or so I would assume." Ricky added sheepishly, wondering if he had blown his secret.

"So he's dead?" Amy asked, the joy was gone. Her face turned to despair. She had spent many years caring a torch for a man who was dead. She carried a hatred for a man who died so many years ago. She gave a half smile.

"Up until his death, he loved his family. But he felt he needed to distance himself. From them. For their own safety." Ricky looked back up towards the scaffolding. "Sorry, but I have to work." Ricky climbed his way back on top. While standing on the roof, he watched Amy walk away.

It would be the last time he would ever see her again. Thats how it was supposed to be Ricky thought.

THE END.

_Author's Note: In the end, Amy still loved both men. But Ricky gave what Amy deserved. A life he thought Amy desrved. That wasn't with him, not the way he was. Ricky told Amy died so that she could somehow find true peace. The way her eyes lit with joy after finding him made him realise that she should abandon this hope and truly move on. This I believe, and him walking out, was his great redemption. He sacraficed everything he ever loved and cared about, lived a life of someone living from pay check to lousy paycheck, so that Amy and John could have a good life. Also I am sorry if John's comments were a bit offensive. he is a adolecent boy who shares the genes with Ricky Underwood. I am sure alot of you hoped for a happier ending. It just was never meant to be. Ricky, whether you want to believe it or not, is the happiest of the characters. He got to see Amy and John one last time and knows that they are happy. Thats all he ever wanted afterall. _


End file.
